Men likelier to commit faster than women

A survey has shown that the stereotype that men are sceptical about commitment and women aren't may be finally turning on its head. What's more, it found that nowadays, men are likelier than women to commit and also look for love rather than just sexual attraction.

The study conducted by Match.com included 5,200 single men and women between the ages of 21 and 65.

"We've known for a long time that we're seeing growing economic equality between the sexes, but it was surprising to me that men are adopting some of the attitudes that we've long attributed to women, and women are adopting the attitudes that we've long attributed to men," ABC News quoted Dr. Helen Fisher, a cultural anthropologist, as saying.

"Men in just about every cohort are just as eager to marry or more eager to marry as women are. It's not true that they don't want to commit. Particularly young men, age 21 to 34, are more eager to marry than women are. Throughout every single cohort, men are more eager to have children than women are," she added.

"Men also fall in love faster, they're more likely to bring a woman home to introduce her to their parents sooner, they're more likely to marry a woman who's got everything they're looking for in a partner but they're not sexually attracted to that person, than a woman is," said Fisher.

The reason for these new trends might be attributed to the fact that women are earning more than before, making them more independent.

"Women want more nights out with girlfriends than men want nights out with their male friends. They also want to have their own bank account more regularly. They want to go more on vacations by themselves than with their spouse or partner," said Fisher.

"In fact they're the least likely to go into a committed relationship unless they have a deep sense of love and a deep sense of sexual desire. They want everything by then," she added.

Another trend the survey revealed: only 17 per cent of men and 28 per cent of women believe the religious background of their partner is very important.

The most shocking find, Fisher said, was that that 35 per cent of men and women said that they had initially met someone and not found them terribly attractive and they later felt passionately in love with them.

"So if I really had to say something to singles on Valentine's Day, I'd say, ''Take a second look.'' Think of reasons to say, ''three strikes and I am out'' and maybe your dreams will come true," Fisher said.

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Are you the perfect couple?

Building and maintaining a passionate relationship is not easy. You need a certain level of communication, commitment and dedication to nurture a relationship and for it to do well. Answer these questions and then tally your scores to find out where you stand, when it comes to your relationship.

When my partner is under stress, I am the first to know about it...
Yes / No

Do you think you are you compatible with your partner?
Yes / No

We always share and discuss our day and the important events.
Yes / No

Do you see your partner as someone really attractive?
Yes / No

After spending time apart, do you think fondly about him/her?
Yes / No

Whenever we have slight misunderstandings and problems we sort them all out quickly.
Yes / No

I believe that this relationship is worth fighting for.
Yes / No

Is your relationship passionate?
Yes / No

We like to experiment often during our intimate moments.
Yes / No

We often cuddle and feel much closer after we have had sex.
Yes / No

Do you think you communicate enough when you are together?
Yes / No

I always know that whenever I am in a soup, my partner is on my side.
Yes / No

I think it is nice to apologise to set things straight.
Yes / No

When I think an argument is going out of hand I make sure I prevent it.
Yes / No

Give yourself one point for every 'yes' you have answered and then total it up.

Star couple
If you have scored between the range 11 to 14 then you are the star couple! Your relationship rocks.

Comfortable relationship
If your score 6 to 10, then you are in a good relationship, but it would be nice if you could involve yourself more.

It ain't working
If you have scored less than five then your relationship sucks! Are you even in a relationship? There seems to be almost zero commitment. But if you are serious about this relationship and want it to survive then you need a lot of hard work.

(Compiled by Debarati S Sen)

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Lovers likelier to text ‘I love you’

Convenience is the name of the game – even if it's a game of love.

Research has shown that people are likelier to say 'I love you' on text or Facebook than writing a love letter.

Only nine per cent of those surveyed had ever sent a letter – and most of those were over 50 – while more than two-thirds prefer to say "I love you" by text.

24 per cent would rather send an email to express their feelings, while 14 per cent said they would post a message on their lover's Facebook wall.

Of the 3,000 adults questioned, more than a fifth said they had enjoyed steamy Skype sessions and 21 per cent had had phone sex.

"A lot of people feel they don't need to go through the 'courtship' stage any more. They want an instant relationship with instant physical contact, they feel they've not got enough time to romance their partner," the Daily Express quoted relationship expert Jo Barnett as saying.

"But they underestimate how important this is. Making the effort to make someone feel loved is a really important part of a relationship."

25 per cent said that if they were to write a love letter, they would not write something original, instead scouring the internet in search of inspiration.

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Daughters rock! Give birth to girls, cut crime

We revere our 'mothers', worship Goddesses Lakshmi, Saraswati, Parvati, Durga, Kali, claim they represent wealth, intelligence, strength and power and then offer prayers for a boy child, or worse still, want to abort a girl child!

Absolutely hypocritical and shocking! The female to male ratio has just dipped to 914 women to a 1000 men. We are a country that has had a woman prime minister, a woman president, we have witnessed Kalpana Chawla going into space... and closer to home, seen women working shoulder to shoulder with men, excelling in their fields and being on par as earning members. Why then, this ridiculous bias against a girl child being born? If you give them equal opportunity and education, they are just a capable of earning, being strong, self sufficient, resilient and the bread winners for the family. Every time I read about rape, sexual abuse and molestation it angers me because men are perpetrators of such crimes, not women. But gender disparity ratios anger me doubly because it denotes a woman's consent in aiding the death of girls.

When you read about deranged, sexually frustrated men raping and molesting girls that are just two years old to women in their 70's it's because given dwindling numbers, that many of these men are unable to find their own women. If you want to keep your mothers, wives and children in a safer world... it lies with you to keep our society gender balanced, and to give birth to more girls.

I have been married for seven years into a very good family. I have a daughter and am pregnant with my second child. My husband wants a son to carry on his business. I explained to him that we cannot choose what sex our child is born, children are God's gift. But he says we must keep trying till we have a son. I don't want to have more than two children and am very disturbed. My in- laws also are with my husband on this issue. What do I do?
By good family I presume you mean 'rich', because their thought processes and belief systems aren't really 'good' by any standard. Aren't you happy you were born? Isn't your husband happy his mother was born? Kiran Mazumdar Shaw heads the largest company for bio technology and is one of the highest tax payers in the country. Fortunately, sonongraphy for gender determination is illegal in India and so is female foeticide, so you just go ahead and enjoy your pregnancy. It might be worth your while to research all the successful Indian women and read out their success stories to your husband during the next few months.

I am a 25-year-old software engineer married for the past year and a half. My husband drinks a lot and starts hitting and abusing me. He keeps saying negative things about my family. My in-laws also do not support me and say that once a kid will be born, everything will become alright. But I am not sure and do not want my child's future to be in danger. Should I leave him or have a kid?
Having a child solves nothing. Violent abusive ways and alcohol dependency are not based on being or not being a parent. You must be firm and stand your ground and insist that a child will be born only to sane, non-violent, loving parents. Also, I suggest you be absolutely stern about never being hit again. It's against the law, and if he persists, take the support of your parents or a women's rights group and decide on a positive course of action. You're an intelligent, educated, working woman. You can easily walk out of an abusive environment if the need arises. There is simply no point committing to child bearing and a future with a man who is not willing to change his harmful ways.

I belong to a minor community where inter-caste marriages are taboo. Three years back, I broke up with my boyfriend and went into depression. After a while I started liking this guy who was a friend initially, but I got attracted to him. He is a South Indian Brahmin and works at a nice place. I didn't tell my parents about him but they eventually found out and do not like him at all. On the other hand, his parents are ready to accept me. I have a different ideology as compared to my family; I am liberal while they are conservative. My standard of living is also not like them. I am in tension and do not know what to do? 

 
If inter-caste marriages are taboo in their conservative environment so are pre-marital relationships. You've already broken barriers and chosen your path. The question is do you do it fully or in half measures? Inter-caste marriages are a societal/cultural phenomena and not a moral one. The older generations choose to hold on to belief systems because it's familiar and change is unsettling for them. The younger generations are more likely to relate to their partners for who they are and not what community they happened to be born into. You have a choice... make your parents happy or make yourself happy and hope that they find happiness in your happiness!

I am a 17-year-old boy who is in love with a girl who is much smarter than me. I have told my parents that I love her but they say that the man should be smarter and earn more than his wife. I have discussed this with my friends and they say that my thinking like this does not hold any ground. I constantly feel inferior to her but love her a lot. What do I do? 

 
I don't like the fact that you use the word 'inferior". It has a negative connotation and such "inferiority feelings" can be detrimental to your state of mind and lead to fights and ego conflicts. However, if you choose to replace the words and emotion with love and respect for her intelligence, then it doesn't matter at all. How wonderful to have a smart wife. She is someone you can learn from and you will be someone she can lean on. Take it positively.

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Kids learn from bruised elbows, knees

In a bid to get rid of Britain's ''cotton wool culture'' and encourage youngsters to play outdoors, new Health and Safety regulations have recommended that children should be encouraged to climb trees and graze knees.

In a move, which has been hailed as a victory of common sense, new guidelines say children should be allowed to take risks while councils have been warned not to pander to over-anxious parents.

A report issued by the Health and Safety Executive and Play England says organisations designing play areas should allow for a "few grazed knees or bruised elbows" if children gain from the experience, for example learning how to ride a bike on rough ground or use a climbing frame.
Mick Conway, of Play England said 17,000 guides have already been ordered by local authorities and schools hoping to build modern play areas.

He emphasised that the guide still insisted the play area is as "safe as reasonably possible" and protects against major injuries.

But if children can benefit from challenges like climbing, running or trying new stills then it allows for minor injuries.

"We do assess risk and hazard but we look at the benefits to children too and take a balanced approach," the Telegraph quoted Conway as saying.

"There has been too much of a cotton wool culture. People accept that children need more challenges while staying safe and that a few bumps and scrapes are all part of growing up," added Conway.

The guide warns that if playgrounds fail to stimulate children then the more risk-taking youngsters will seek challenges in more dangerous settings.

The report said health and safety was ''no longer about creating a risk-free society.''

Andy Wright, Countryside Manager at Box Hill where the National Trust is building a new adventure playground, said children cannot experience the countryside without taking risks.

The new natural play area will use natural materials like logs and trees for children to climb, balance on or clamber over.

Wright said children may slip on a wet log or graze themselves on a branch, but they are learning to be confident in the outdoors.

"These days kids are so closetted compared to 30 years ago. This is a controlled way of allowing them a bit of bravery, a bit of risk taking and perhaps picking up a minor injury," he said.

Barry Baker, Principal Inspector at the Health and Safety Executive (HSE), endorsed the new approach.

"The Health and Safety Executive (HSE) recognises the importance of play in children's lives and for their opportunities to learn about risk.

"Its application of risk-benefit assessments is a sensible approach to the health and safety management of play provision," he said.

David Cameron, the Prime Minister, has pledged to bring about wider reform of the health and safety rules governing teachers, nurses and police to enable them to make "common sense" decisions.

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Talking to your kids about sex?

Though every parent's nightmare, it's none-the-less that one ultra important conversation that every parent just has to have with their children. What? The talk about sex, puberty and sexually related nitty-gritties. Ask any child expert and they will not be able to emphasise enough on how important it is for parents to talk to their children about sex, and at an early age itself. Why? So that the misconceptions they develop about the subject, especially from peer group conversations and information gained from the Internet and television, can indeed lead to wrong notions about sex and sexuality. Children are naturally curious about their own bodies and this curiosity is healthy and normal.
Unfortunately, talking to your tiny tots about sex is never an easy task. Moreover, it's not comfortable for any of the parties involved — parents are afraid of it and children, mortified by it. That's probably the reason why this talk is often delayed, swept under the carpet or totally ignored with many parents who instead depend on teachers to do the needful. Children are an inquisitive lot and when it comes to sex, the curiosity levels zooms up quite a few notches. Hence, one cannot turn a blind eye and hope someone else does the 'dirty work'. Parents need to be proactive in talking to their children about sex. However, if done wrongly, it can either scare your child completely or just increase their curiosity even more.

"When you're talking to your child about sex, it has to be a very clinical talk, very matter of fact. Don't use any words or phrases that may indicate that it is something dirty or a taboo act. Also, don't talk about a gender bias. Avoid sentences like 'women always do this...' or 'men always do...'," says child psychologist Bela Raja.
According to her, the kind of sex talk parents have with their children depends on the age group of the child as at each different age, different things are to be said to a child.

For a child between the age group of seven to 10 years, the sex talk should emphasise on the commitment and bonding angle. "Since this is his/her first exposure to sex, talk to your child about how sex is a natural process and a part of the body. Tell them about the beauty of relationships but don't bring up the violence or rape angle," Bela advices.

If your child is aged between 10 years to 13 years, it is the right age to describe the biological facts and of course, the emotional angle. "Link your sex talk to the biological changes that they are experiencing in their body," Bela says.

For a 15 year old, however, she says, the emphasis must be on explaining the actual act of intercourse. "More importantly, explain that sex is not something to be used for any kind of gain or as a sign of power," Bela adds.
"The most important thing when talking to your child about sex is to not make it sound like a bad thing or a taboo," says child expert, Dr Nirmala Rao. According to her, most parents feel shy about talking to their children about sex thus leading to wrong concepts. "One must remember, children are very imaginative. If the concept itself is wrong, they will either get scared about sex or extra imaginative about it. Hence, be normal and casual when talking about sex. Explain, as naturally as possible, about anatomy and the related changes," she explains.

As kids grow, so does their curiosity, especially about sex. "So when your talking to your six or seven year old about his or her private parts, don't say things like 'chee, it's dirty', 'don't touch it, it's a sin'. Instead, tell them about the functions of these parts and teach them how to keep it clean just as you would tell them to wash their hands of feet," she says.

According to her, young girls need to be told about puberty and the changes it will bring in the body. "Teach them how to differentiate between a good touch and a bad touch. But don't petrify them that every man is just out to get them. For boys, meanwhile, fathers should talk to them about sexual organs, their growth and things like night emissions. When it first happens, the child may get scared or start feeling guilty. Explain to them that it is a natural growth process," she explains.

Make the talk easier
Start early: You'll find it less awkward if you introduce the topic when your child is very young. More importantly, answer questions simply and naturally, don't beat around the bush and use complicated or cliched metaphors.

Use everyday situations to start conversations: TV programmes are often a good opportunity to initiate the talk about sex. You can also talk when you're doing an activity together like washing up, laundry, a jigsaw puzzle, etc. This makes your child feel that sex is a normal part of family life and not a taboo subject.

Use books or leaflets: Finding it too difficult to get into nitty-gritties? Get help. Book stores have plenty of material that tells you how. That apart, there are also books that you can get your child to read or that you can go through together.

Be prepared: There will be those difficult moments when your child will, in the oddest of places, demand for an explanation about something they see. Don't fumble. Instead, say something like 'That's a good question, but let's talk about it when we get home'. Also, make sure you do, don't lose out of a good opportunity.

Be truthful: Forget those old grandmother ways of talking about 'bees and birds', storks, etc. Stories like these will just confuse children.

Ask your child's opinion: Talk to your children and ask them what they think about certain sex related issues, especially if it's in the news. More than anything else, this tells give you a fair idea of how much they know and understand.

Don't shun the issue: Don't ignore it if your child asks you a sex related question. Moreover, don't get angry with them. This will give them an impression that it is not a topic to be spoken about.

Don't beat around the bush: If you don't know the answer, say so and tell them you'll find out and let them know. This is a far better option to bluffing them, they are bound to find out the truth sooner or later.

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Success can keep kids away from drugs

Children who did better at school were also less likely to use drugs and alcohol or steal or break into fights than their non-performing peers.


"High performance cut the rate of drug use and delinquency in schools kids by as much as 25 per cent," said Amy Tobler, research assistant professor of health outcomes at University of Florida College of Medicine. 


"The schools in question had high population of ethnic minorities and underprivileged children - factors often linked to lower achievement in schools," said Tobler, reports the journal Prevention Sciences. 


"It could be good teaching, better administration, whatever these schools are doing, if we can replicate it, it will lead to not only academic achievement but improvement in healthy behaviors as well," said Tobler, according to a Florida statement. 


"Some schools can break that strong link between socio-demographic disadvantage and drug use and delinquency," said Tobler, who led the study. 


The researchers collected data in the schools from 2002 and 2005, following students in their sixth, seventh and eighth grade years. 


"Of the 61 schools, seven performed better than expected academically, a link that seemed to help keep kids in class and off drugs and alcohol," Tobler said. 


"It is not surprising in a way. If you can get low-income kids to identify with a school, you get better kids at the end," said David Berliner, professor emeritus of education at Arizona State University.

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Age 33 is the 'busiest time of our lives'

A survey has suggested that 33 is the age when we are the busiest in our lives, with hardly any time to balance our busy work, family and social activities.

So much so, a third of 33-year-olds say they get an average of only five hours sleep a night, reports The Daily Mail .

66 per cent people claim that they spend more than 38 hours a week in the office and 60 per cent are forced to double bookwork and social appointments to try to squeeze everything in.

Fifty-six per cent regularly need to take work home to complete it, according to the study conducted by Hotmail .

Ninety per cent of 33-year-old women in the survey said they thought they were busier than men of the same age.

But there's some good news - once we hit 55 the pressures on our lives get easier, largely because our careers have peaked by then and our children have left home. At that age we have an average of one hour and 23 minutes to ourselves each day.

"We also must organise ourselves during particularly busy periods in our lives to ensure we can enjoy life and get the balance right. Too much work and no play should not be an option," said TV presenter and actress Lisa Rogers.

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Wearing glasses boost your job prospects

Wondering what is the sure-shot way to get a job? Well, wearing you glasses to the interview might help, suggests a new UK study.

The research has found that people are more likely to get a job if they wear glasses to their interview.

According to the College of Optometrists study, a third of British adults think glasses make someone look more professional and 43 per cent think glasses make people look more intelligent.

However, it is because of an old stereotype that people develop bad eyesight by reading a lot, say experts.

"It's great to see a shift in how we perceive glasses. However, it's important to remember that regardless of fashion trends, wearing spectacles is about seeing clearly and comfortably - not just appearance," the Telegraph quoted Susan Blakeney, Optometric Advisor to the College of Optometrists, as saying.

Cary Cooper, of the Lancaster University, said some people may have more self confidence when they wear glasses.

"It is not surprising that businesses want to employ intelligent staff but the idea that intelligent people wear glasses is an old stereotype that has not gone away," he said.

"In fact, glasses are a poor indication of intelligence because you can have bad eyesight for a number of reasons and then choose to wear contact lenses.

It is possible that some people have more self confidence and change their behaviour when they put on glasses, which could in itself improve their chances at interview," he added.

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Soon, your puppy will also 'tweet'!

Man's best friend will be able to follow in his footsteps even in the virtual world, thanks to a toy called 'Puppy Tweets' that lets your dog send online posts on popular social networking websites.
Toy company Mattel announced it was developing the product containing a plastic collar tag with a sound and motion sensor and a USB receiver to be plugged into the computer. The tag, expected to cost 29.99 dollars, comes with pre-written, pre-recorded tweets that are activated by the dog's activity. For example, if the pooch is sleeping, the tag may automatically send the message 'Somedays it feels like my paw is permanently on the snooze button!', reports Discovery News .

The gizmo of a barking mutt may also tweet 'YAHOOOOOOO! Somedays you just gotta get your bark on.' The idea comes amid the soaring popularity of several social 'netwoofing' sites for the online canine such as Mydogspace, Dogster, and Fuzzster.

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Dogs do understand human emotions

Dogs can tell the difference between a happy and an angry person and a laugh from a cry, a New Zealand study claims.
To reach the conclusion, researchers at the University of Otago, in the South Island, put 90 Dunedin dogs through their paces - showing some recorded images of babies laughing, crying and babbling and giving others verbal instructions from human's displaying happy or stern expressions.

Associate Professor Ted Ruffman said the dogs'' responses indicated that they could understand emotions, reports The Australian.

"We know dogs are very good at picking up human gestures," Prof Ruffman told the Otago Daily Times.

"And it seems they are very good at picking up on human emotions, too."

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Blame oral sex not tobacco for throat cancer

Scientists have warned that a virus that spreads during oral sex is now the main cause of throat cancer in people under 50.

They say the human papilloma virus spread during unprotected sex is to blame for a disturbing rise in potentially deadly oral cancers in the last few decades.

Cancers of the mouth and oropharynx - the top of the throat - used to be mainly diagnosed in older men who drink or smoke. But increasingly, it is being seen in younger men.

Prof Maura Gillison of Ohio State University in Columbus said the sexually transmitted HPV was a bigger cause of some oral cancers than tobacco.

"What is most strongly linked to oral HPV infection is the number of sexual partners someone has had in their lifetimes, in particular the number of individuals on whom they have performed oral sex," the Daily Mail quoted Gillison as saying.

"The higher the number of partners that you've had, the greater the odds that you'd have an oral infection," Gillison added.

The finding was presented at the American Association for the Advancement of Science conference in Washington CD.

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A diet to feel full, lose weight

Researchers in Aberdeen are working on an 'intelligent diet', which they believe will allow people to enjoy eating and feeling full, but still lose weight.

Professor Julian Mercer, the head of obesity research at the University of Aberdeen Rowett Institute of Nutrition and Health, and colleagues are investigating how food interacts with the gut and brain to try to understand what makes people eat more and put on weight.

They want to help create foods that allow people to enjoy what they are eating, but that also means they do not pile on excess pounds.

The researchers said they already knew that food containing controlled amounts of protein helped people to feel full quicker, so that they ate less.

By finding the mechanisms, which cause this feeling of fullness linked to eating protein, they hope to create products and recommend diets that allow people to lose weight and keep it off.

Mercer said his team was focusing on the 'food-gut-brain axis' to come up with an 'intelligent diet'.

"We know there are certain diets that enable you to eat until you are full, but actually consume fewer calories than you might otherwise," the Scotsman quoted Mercer as saying.

"We have those observations and the sort of molecules or genes we are talking about could be just as interesting in the context of how they are involved in those sorts of processes as they are as drug targets.

"That is where we are coming from - to try to find a dietary strategy to help us tackle the obesogenic environment we are in," Mercer added.

The work will be discussed at the Scottish Parliament's Festival of Politics in Edinburgh next week.

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Bursts of exercise help keep weight off

Just because you're going out for dinner with friends or family on the weekend doesn't mean you have to gain those extra kilos.
According to an expert, if you plan ahead, you can fill your week with extra little bursts of exercise and cut back your calories here and there to counteract your high-calorie plans for the weekend and help maintain your weight through the holidays.

"There are a lot of different ways to try to increase your levels of physical activity in your daily routines," said Michael Berry of the Wake Forest University.

"During the holidays, you may be taking in extra calories and having less time for exercise, so it's probably more important to add these types of activities daily. Remember, 500 calories can mean five miles of running," said Berry.

In addition to your normal exercise routine and physical activity, try taking the steps instead of the elevator or talking a walk at lunchtime - you can even take a five-minute walk every 30 minutes to burn some calories.

And, if you can, he suggested increasing your daily, 30-minute workout by about 10 minutes to help counteract the weekend's indulgences.

Then you need to think about your buffet strategy once you get to the party, said Gary D. Miller.

"You won't want to overindulge, but you don't want to deny yourself, either. I'm all about living and having a good life, so keep things in moderation and don't skip the things that bring us so much pleasure this time of the year," he said.

And when the holidays wind down, don't despair if you've added a couple of pounds. Most research has said that you will pick up a pound or two, said Miller.

Just keep following your pre-holiday strategy of adding bursts of activity to your schedule every day and watch your calories for a month or so, and you should get back on track.

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Four gym evils to keep away from

Your gym trainer insists on giving you personal training; he gets up, close and personal trying to help you perfect the squat/crunches or a so called gym buddy starts texting a bit too often .

If you've faced these situations in your gym, chances are they are warning signs! Sooner you deal with them, better it's for you.

The obsessive trainer
Such trainers start by acting super friendly (and helpful) and instantly gauging your fitness goals. Taking advantage of your need to achieve these fitness aims, they embark on their own trip. IT professional Vibha Sehgal shares her experience. "I have worked out with various personal trainers. And I was always of the opinion that gym trainers are harmless souls who are just trying to help us achieve our physical goals. Until one day I met one in my new gym. He became too friendly and personal which I didn't mind initially, since he was a competent trainer. But I guess I gave him a wrong signal and he started acting obsessive. He started calling me at odd hours and would taunt me if he spotted me talking to anyone else in the gym. It got a bit too much and I shortly changed my instructor."

The groping instructor
These are the most dangerous of the lot and should strictly be kept at arm's length. They try to feel you closely on the pretext of instructing you. Shikha Sharma shares her ghastly experience, "I found this really good instructor in my gym. Two weeks under his training and I experienced a remarkable difference in my fitness level. But I realised eventually that he always tried to touch my private parts. Initially, I tried to turn a blind eye to his ways, since I was getting close to my fitness goals. But I think that gave him a boost. Once he crossed all limits when he tried to kiss my back and press his private part on me. I was taken off guards. I never returned to that gym again."

The naughty gym buddy
You guys became friends in the first few days of your joining the gym. You soon exchange numbers and thereon he's been picking you up from your place and dropping you back from the gym. Along the way, you start sharing fitness tips. It seems alright till he breaches the comfort level. "Over a short period of time Milind, my ex-gym buddy and I became friends. Since he used to stay close to my place, we started travelling to the gym together. Things were okay till our relationship was restricted to my gym hours, but soon he started to demand that he wanted to meet me outside the gym. On two occasions I found him waiting outside my place. With time, his behaviour got over bearing and soon my boyfriend started to feel uneasy. Finally I had to show him his place. It involved a lot of unpleasantries, but I think it was important to nip the bud in its nest," recalls call centre executive Sugandha Vig.

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Getting married may help you lose weight

Want to shed those extra pounds? Well, then all you need to do is get married - at least that's what a new study suggests.

According to a poll of 3,000 married women, more than half of brides lose 1st 2lb in the run-up to their wedding.

And one in 10 brides-to-be slims down by 2st or more, the study found.

The research also showed that another one in 10 deliberately orders a wedding dress in a smaller size, hoping to be able to diet into it.

"Brides want to make sure they look their best," the Daily Express quoted a spokesman for Appesat appetite suppressants, which commissioned the survey, as saying.

"They know the photos will be around for years to remind them how they looked," he added.

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Destiny is your wealth: Amisha Patel

He takes care of our kismat, says Amisha Patel...

You find god in...
"God does not have a destination. The temple is your heart. The good deeds you do; the smile you give... that is God within you."

How do you connect to god?
"I see God's hand in everything. The fact that I have a great education and an amazing grandmother (she turned 91 last month), strengthens my belief in Him. I have a wonderful life, the strength to pick up the pieces and go on.

Karma & kismat to you are:
It's my karma to have honest people around me. God gives us those weak moments. All we have to do is cast all our worries to Him and he'll take care of our kismat.

True contentment lies in...
"A person's wealth is his destiny, earned from his hard work. I always come out of bad times. When you are put against a wall and survive it!

(Amisha Patel is an actor)

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The cosmic form

Having heard so much about Krishna's glories, Arjuna asks Krishna to reveal his splendour, his vishwaroopa or Cosmic Form. Krishna readily grants his wish. However, Krishna tells Arjuna that he cannot see the Cosmic Form with normal eyes; hence he gives him divine eyes with which Arjuna would be able to see the Universal Form. In other words, this is no ordinary perception, it is a kind of visualisation.
Expand your mind and you see a wondrous, amazing world. There are profound dimensions that elude a self-centred person. Thus, only two people - Arjuna and Sanjaya - see this vision on the battlefield at Kurukshetra where thousands of warriors were readying for battle. These two were granted the extraordinary sight by Krishna and Vyasa respectively.

Arjuna is awestruck, dumbfounded, by this magnificent display. He needs time to digest this experience. Sanjaya steps in and captures the majesty and awesome power of that Divine Being.

This is one of the rare moments a sincere seeker is blessed with when the veil lifts to reveal the beauty and grandeur that lies beyond. It inspires devotion and renews one's conviction. But these flashes cannot be sustained. You need to go back to your own level and work yourself up to find this magnificence in everyday life, always.

A spectacular vision
Krishna shows Arjuna a synoptic view of the entire universe. Arjuna sees countless wonderful forms in divine robes, adorned with divine ornaments, with the effulgence and radiance of a thousand suns, all resting in the body of the god of gods. Filled with amazement, Arjuna bows down with folded hands and goes on to describe this spectacular vision. Arjuna now understands Krishna as the embodiment of the Divine Force. He is not just the dear friend he had mistaken him for. He remembers the times he spent with Krishna, addressing him as O Krsna, O friend - unaware of his greatness. He begs forgiveness for inadvertently disrespecting Him.

Krishna comes up with a display of raw power, all-devouring and fearful. Arjuna sees the worlds getting pulverised. Flames blazing from his mouths consume the universe. Arjuna sees Dhritarashtra and all his allies including Bhisma, Drona and Karna as well as his own heroes getting destroyed. He asks Krishna - Who are you? Why are you so fierce? Krishna answers - I am the destroyer of the worlds. I have already killed these warriors. You are merely an instrument. Rise, therefore, kill the enemies, win fame and enjoy this vast kingdom. In other words, the law of dharma prevails. The Kaurava forces have asked for destruction. They have to meet their end. Arjuna is not the one who kills them. He is only the instrument of the law.

The benevolent form
Overcome with fear at the sight of this terrible form, Arjuna asks Krishna to go back to his gentle form. In his enthusiasm he has asked for more than he can digest. He now wants to see the benevolent form of Vishnu. Sanjaya sees the same vision but is not afraid. He has the strength to understand the fearful form of the Lord. He is exhilarated, inspired and speaks with reverence and adoration.

Krishna tells Arjuna: Nobody else has seen this dazzling vision. A great deal of effort is needed to obtain Self-knowledge. You are the only one to have seen it through my mystic power. Krishna then shows his four-armed form of Vishnu, his gentle nature. Chapter XI of the Gita ends with Krishna underscoring the rare privilege earned by Arjuna. "Even the gods long to see this form which cannot be seen by mere spiritual practices. But by single-pointed devotion I can be seen, known in essence, and entered. One who acts for Me, is devoted to Me and regards Me as supreme, obtains Me."

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Going on a pilgrimage

In mystic traditions, particularly in India, life is regarded as a journey. A pilgrimage is merely an external projection of an inward journey. Before you can determine who is a pilgrim, you need to be clear about some aspects of pilgrimage.

A place of pilgrimage is one where a manifestation of divinity appeared for a particular purpose, where a sage performed austerities or meditated for a long period, or where someone got direct experience of God. One or more specific areas within the holy place get marked as a sanctum sanctorum, due to a still palpable divine power, like a vortex of energy. I have personally experienced this vortex in many places, particularly while taking a dip in the Ganga with my Guru at the Kumbh Mela in Haridwar.

A pilgrimage is undertaken with many spiritual goals in mind. It may be an act of acknowledging to oneself one's failures and misdeeds. You may aspire for freedom from this burden of misdeeds through prayaschitta, an act of atonement and purification. It could be in the form of renouncing a habit, addiction or worldly pleasure after the pilgrimage is complete.

It is not a myth that if a pilgrim is one who fulfils all the requirements, he may be granted the rare darshan of a sage who left the body thousands of years ago, but still dwells there as a light being.

You will feel the energy to the degree your mind is attuned. If you blanket your mind with the elements of the unsettled, the non-sacred, the mundane, and carry your anger and impatience with you, the energy plays hide and seek, and you return without being recharged.

While a pilgrimage is not the highest endeavour, it is far more conducive to self-enquiry and enrichment than a holiday. Rather than attending a lecture on silence, it is better to practise silence. Go on an internal journey rather than an external one.

If done earnestly the right way, it cleanses the mind, unburdens the heart, and you become confident in your capacity to explore your inner world. You then renounce pleasures you are addicted to and come to realise that you have the spiritual strength to live without them.

Begin a pilgrimage with an inner resolve or sankalpa, abandoning comforts, renouncing pleasures, remaining silent and still, practising celibacy, practising restraint in matters of food, accepting whatever the stations in the journey have to offer, controlling speech and all the senses and withdrawing from desires and from memories thereof.

Many spiritual seekers share Kabir's view: "If taking a dip in a river would grant me liberation then the fish would have been liberated long ago." Hence the internal journey is far more important than the external one.

A holy place is called tirtha, a point of crossing over. Let a pilgrimage be a point of crossing over, a transition to a higher level of thought, action and existence. Go with the resolve: "After the pilgrimage, I shall be a higher self, purer, brighter, more stilled, more akin to my own interior divinity."

After the pilgrimage, be not what you were before. Let your life become a journey to your internal sanctum sanctorum. Until that final realisation happens, you will continue to remain a pilgrim. Thereafter, you become a guide to other pilgrims who might follow you, seeking to grasp the vessel of God's elixir of immortality, the Aquarian fullness, the essence of enlightenment.

(Talk: Swami Veda Bharati)

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Positive high

In the end, it turned out to be an unforgettable, inspiring evening peppered with stories of the triumph of the human spirit. At a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), where the 75-year-old support group of current and former alcoholics came together to help new members shed their addiction, I met several members who said they had touched rock bottom.
One-time addicts spoke of deceit, divorce and destroyed relationships, lost jobs, lies - even of thieving - as a way of life in their dark years, and of waking up in unfamiliar streets with soiled pants and empty pockets. Listening to them speak of their one-day-at-a-time vow to stay off drinks, and of their unflinching loyalty to Alcoholics Anonymous - some have been clean for 18 years, and are now pitching in to help new entrants - my heart warmed at their stories of hope and humility, and of their spiritual awakening.

Keep me sober today
The AA outlines a 12-step programme to help you break free - most centring around belief in a higher power. Members remain anonymous, and AA charges no membership fee. To enroll, you just need a desire to stop drinking. The first step is in acknowledging that you are alcoholic, and admitting you need help. For an addict to do so is perhaps the toughest step. Once he attends an AA meeting, he figures he is not alone and that he can get rid of his ahamkara or ego and seek help. AA has found that while detoxification centres might help you get rid of your withdrawal symptoms, what an alcoholic needs is a support group that talks about drinking, the troubles, and how they were overcome. AA tells you that alcoholism isn't a moral defect or the result of low will power, but is a life-threatening disease.

"One important aspect of the disease is complete spiritual bankruptcy," said one member. "I had to surrender and admit that only a power greater than me could restore me to sanity. Personally, I lacked the wisdom and only after I had changed my moral perspectives did the craving for drink disappear", he adds.
"The support group is amazing. It is torture for an alcoholic to think of a life without alcohol; I consider myself blessed that someone came along and suggested I come to AA," adds another. "I can unburden myself at these meetings and get empathy for my struggle. I take hope with me", he says. It is hope that helps keep him stay sober, first one day; then another.

"I got my message from this room. I have not touched the bottle for years, and I think my calling is in the seva I do here," said another. "I have, however, one prayer that I say even now - God please keep me sober today", he adds.

Step 11 of AA sums it all up - of seeking through prayer and meditation to improve your conscious contact with God...for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it out.

Psychologist Onkar Singh at the Kalghidhar Trust-run Akal De-addiction Centre at Cheema village near Sangrur, Punjab, talks of "spiritual intelligence" - psychology's name for man's quest for meaning and the soul's intelligence. The de-addiction centre conducted an experiment and presented the results as a research paper in 2006 to the Indian Psychiatry Association. The centre studied 315 addicts in one group living in the Gurudwara Janam Asthan Sant Attar Singhji Maharaj that was exposed daily to yoga, meditation and spiritual discourses. "The successful ones were those who had seen the light, reported out-of-body experiences while meditating, and who re-examined their moral values. This was a result of the atma ki roshni they had seen," says Singh. "People would at first complain about the spiritual schedule, but later found ananda in it," he adds. The other group was housed elsewhere and had a TV and other recreational devices as diversion but did not fare as well.

Take the case of 32-year-old Pankaj Sharma (name changed), a media executive who got into drugs while studying MBA because he couldn't cope with the "punishing" routine. He drifted in and out of jobs, and finally enrolled for Scientology's purification programme, their detoxification module. He is now a trainer, helping other people fight off negativities and resume control of their lives.

Drugs destroy you
"Drugs are essentially poisons that take their toll on the body by eating up its stores of vitamins and minerals", reads a Narconon booklet. "And when your body's reserve of minerals and vitamins is depleted, you feel pain, and then you crave more drugs to kill the pain," says Horst Tubbesing, Scientology mission holder in the Capital. Scientology's purification programme attempts to remove these toxins with exercise, sauna, and vitamins.

Sushma Randhawa (name changed), had been on anti-depressants for years. She found "stability, love, laughter, happiness and understanding" from the people around her after the programme. She could finally move forward on her mental and spiritual journey, free from past obstacles.

Reiki and pranic healers believe that alcohol and drug addiction shrink and block the back heart chakra. Eventually, the person is closed to all ideas of compassion, humility, goodness and spirituality. Treatment cleans and energises the heart and solar plexus chakras.

High on harmony
"You need to believe that there is a genuine spiritual high that is worth pursuing rather than the false high of drugs and alcohol," says psychiatrist Jitendra Nagpal. "You get off all addictions when you regain internal harmony and control, with the help of yoga and meditation. Substance abusers then have the ability to rein in their wayward impulses", he adds.

Doctors have begun to recommend the positive high that comes with lifestyle and perception change. "Many of us now think that spiritual awakening brings stability", says Nagpal. "Young people might turn to drugs because of neglect at home or peer pressure, but they only get a false sense of self-gratification. Instead, they should make the effort to regain control over their lives. Meditation can work wonders," says Nagpal. "Let's be realistic; medicine alone is not the answer, for the mind-body-soul approach works much better in treatment of addicts. The divinity in us responds", he adds.

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Whether God exists or not

Talking of beginnings and endings makes no sense if there is no clarity in the way we regard what we don't yet know, writes Bharat Bhushan Padmadeo

Does God exist? This controversy has been raked up yet again, this time by legendary theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking and Leonard Mlodinow in their new book, The Grand Design. "God did not create the Universe and the 'Big Bang' was an inevitable consequence of the laws of physics. The fact that there is a law such as gravity, the Universe can and will create itself from nothing. Spontaneous creation is the reason there is something rather than nothing, why the Universe exists, why we exist." The concept they talk about, which they have named as 'M-theory', makes 'Creator of the Universe' redundant.

The oldest debate
The debate on the existence of God is as old as human existence itself. In the Indian context, many schools of philosophy that do not accept the authority of the Vedas do not acknowledge the existence of God. Even the Sankhya system, which otherwise acknowledges the authority of the Vedas, does not accept God as Creator.

Be that as it may, questions about the existence of God only enhance the credibility of the Vedantic concept of Advaita or non-dualism. Advaita, like science, holds the view that the manifest plural world with all its enormity and diversity is a reflection of a singularity — that there is a singular source of all animate and inanimate objects.

Coming back to the main question: Are scientists saying that the universe sprang out of nothing? Doesn't contemporary physics begin and end with the Big Bang theory? Then why close a question that almost wills itself to remain: No rational mind must accept the argument that anything beyond one's mental comprehension is non-existent.

Importantly, most scientists from the West speak from a perspective that includes an exposure to a Christian concept of God. Christianity assigns God an exclusive identity, different from the manifest, and which is not and cannot be accepted as the material cause of creation. Physics, on the other hand, hypothesises that all fundamental forces in nature, responsible for the making of this universe, must have existed in a unified state before they came into play.

Laws of physics
Can we deploy the laws of physics to discover answers to questions about how the universe came into being? The laws of physics continue to evolve, and often they are at complete variance with past findings. Physics has undergone several tectonic shifts since Newton gave us the laws of gravitation and Einstein, his theory of relativity. The laws underwent further changes when it emerged that the laws defining motion of gross bodies in the cosmos do not apply to the flight of energy particles at the sub-atomic level.

And now physics has added a new twist with its disagreement with Einstein's equivalence principle, which states that the laws of physics are the same everywhere. John Webb of the University of New South Wales in Australia presents evidence to suggest that the laws of physics are not the same everywhere. Seen in practical terms, so far the laws of physics stand out as partial theories — these are still in search of a closure that Hawking seems to be thrusting upon his readers.

The laws of physics may be able to partly explain the cosmos. But, so far, physics has not been able to establish a correlation between the primal source and man. Science fails to establish a continuum between the source and the manifest in practical terms; findings of physicists become abstract academic exercises.

Vedantic non-dualism
Perhaps an insight into the Vedantic concept of non-dualism, read along with the energy principle within the concept of Aum, may suit scientific minds better. For, it conforms to the three postulates of physics: Beginning from a singularity, Spontaneity and Chaos. The Vedantic concept acknowledges the existence of one and only primordial source — the boundary-less singularity, with no beginning or end — which remains the efficient and material cause of creation. In unmanifest state, it is perceived as being without form or perceptible attribute, but not without content. Evidently, such a state could be possible within the energy framework alone, so the primordial source is something of an energy-whole.

Vedanta describes Aum as pranava or primal sound associated with the first motion at primal source, following causal stress thereon. Causal stress increases, and becomes dense, and centralises the energy trinity — identified with 'A', 'U', and 'M' constituting Aum — gets excited with a roaring sound "Hum", a concept close to scientific perception; physicists acknowledge sound vibrations along with matter and light at the core of the universe. If the primordial source is taken as an energy whole, then it has to be a gigantic pool of unknowable quantities of energy particles. And with causal stress, because of mutual attraction among energy particles, the physical universe — very much in accordance with the laws of physics — is set into motion.

The primal source
The constituents at the primordial source, with their respective attributes, are so evenly balanced in their unmanifest form that they do not reflect any perceptible attribute. A particular mix of these constituents is evident in a person, and accounts for his individual specific traits. Second, the "consciousness element" emanating from the primal source, acting upon the particular energy platform identifiable with an existence, defines the varied dynamism of all beings.

In fact, the energy constituents and the consciousness element together hold the key to unity underlying all existences, and hence the continuum between the source and its manifest. In this light, the world becomes intensely interlinked; no individual component has an identity independent of the whole. With the power of free will, man can guide his actions by moral and ethical choices and even influence the environment through his efforts.

As the Mother, the spiritual associate of Sri Aurobindo, wrote, "Without Him, I exist not; without me, He is unmanifest." Such is the continuum between the primal source and man. Evidently, therefore, a knowledge that does not fully explain the complex inter-play between the two can never satisfy the searching mind.

Who or what is God?
In such a complex set-up, who or what is God? It is not a person. However, God is ever-personalising in the form of all individual things in the world. Or it can be called the aggregate of all such personalities everywhere in the Universe. And, it can be said to have a persona in the sense that the energy constituents emerging therefrom find reflection in terms of varying attributes in a man.

God is the phenomenon called the world. God is completeness, constituting the source, the manifest, and the laws driving this mechanism individually and collectively, including the functionalities of man. And, godliness is exploring the unity underlying all existences. In pursuing this line of gnosis, one realises that the world is an organic whole, where all constituents discharge their tasks in support of each other, and that the efforts of all put together carry forward this dynamic world. It then becomes possible to realise that we need to be in harmony with our internal as well as external worlds. The domain of God is, therefore, far wider than the abstract laws of physics, vital to our qualitative existence in holistic terms.

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Let conscience reign

There might have been many exceptions to Freud's view suggesting, the nicest person has the nastiest thought. One premise that still remains debatable is concerning nicety and self-control. Nicety is not sufficient for self-control. When we do not have self-control, there is a nagging frustration in our subconscious mind, which prompts us to designate others as indecent. This is an easy mechanism for deriving self-satisfaction. Fortunately the law of nature is just and impartial: sooner or later the truth comes out.

Evil never dies: it is as intrinsic as the good is. The twin co-exists in us. It is constant introspection and self-analysis that makes us aware of our thought process and helps us control the mind. The left toe of goddess Durga presses down on asura - an imagery representing conscience over-powering the evil in us. Evil can arise anytime, it cannot be killed, it can only be made subservient to our conscience.

All of us have a conscience. To what extent we are able to accept its command is a critical question. Religion, by making us god-fearing, brings clarity and stability necessary in the initial stages. It enables us to analyse and understand. We become mature enough to experience realisation. Without realisation, the knowledge that we acquire is useless. Ramakrishna says one has to delve deep in the ocean to find gems. Waves on the surface yield nothing. If you have a good memory, you may remember all the scriptures but if you don't practise what they preach, why waste time in learning them.

For self-analysis, being truthful is of paramount importance. Your ego should not interfere in the thought process, the mantra should be 'let me be truthful, at least to myself.' Once you start practising this sincerely, you will be able to take a big step towards being perfect. On the other hand, by believing that we are perfect, we only allow ignorance to dominate us. Justifying a wrong action to the self is perhaps the biggest crime on earth. On the other hand, repentance, as every religion preaches, is the greatest tool for correcting wrong actions.

We have only one life at our disposal. Why not take full advantage of it and be at peace and bestow peace on others around us? If we don't scrutinise our own thoughts and actions, we become set in our ideas and justify our thoughts. The inability to analyse the self makes one adamant and self-justifying. On failing to convince everybody, most people become vindictive. It kills the self, gradually, unknowingly. One day the person realises that he has become a liability.

Spiritual master Sharada Devi recommends productive activity to keep the mind constantly engaged and to avoid negative thoughts.

Creative activities, meditation and social service help us in emptying out the mind so that it can hold newer things.

According to the Bhagavad Gita, no action is perfect: so withdrawal from karma, fearing criticism is not the solution. The role of conscience, in this regard, is important. It creates a positive impact and minimises social evil. If we are conscious of this fact, a better world, with less strife, can emerge. With greater possibility of convergence, an efficient system will emerge to ensure greater welfare. The mind will acquire the ability to rise above dogmas. It will think creatively, from which will emerge new discoveries and paradigms.

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How I met Krishna

Coming face-to-face with the much-venerated Govardhan Hill for the first time can be an awesome experience. It is a fairly widespread hill made up of large stones. The first thought that comes to mind is - is this the same hill that the seven-year-old Krishna lifted so effortlessly on his little finger? The logical mind refuses to accept it, but then, who is to argue with religious mythology?
Saints tell us that with time, the hill is sinking, bit by bit, symbolising the mounting immorality prevalent in Kaliyuga. On auspicious days like purnima or full moon day, ekadasi, amavasya or new moon day and during Govardhan Puja, the faithful turn up in large numbers and they circumambulate the entire hill, a feat that takes up all of six hours.

Govardhan is a form of Krishna, and it is said that those who come here have their wishes fulfilled. I did my first parikrama in a car and wondered what makes pilgrims walk barefoot on the thorny road that was not clean by any stretch of the imagination. Taking it as a challenge, my second parikrama was with rubber shoes. Pilgrims advised that parikrama must be done barefoot. My third parikrama was done barefoot; not easy at all. I began regarding other pilgrims with admiration. Much water has flown under the bridge since then and I am now a regular here. Guess what, Krishna has made his presence felt several times. Instead of feeling triumph and pride, now I just feel meek.

The parikrama banishes one's ego and presents a level field to all, just as millennia ago little Krishna had destroyed the ego of Indra and saved an entire village, including its flora and fauna from the wrath of Indra, the god of the heavens. Indra had unleashed his anger on the people of Braj with a severe thunderstorm as he was unable to bear the thought that they had chosen Govardhan as their deity on Krishna's advice, and not Indra. Little Krishna asked the people to take shelter under the Govardhan hill that he held up like an umbrella on his little finger for seven days, for wasn't he their protector?

One Sunday, during parikrama, a monkey snatched my purse containing bank cards and cash. Little boys chased it for several minutes. Many joined the chase - a priest, a carrot seller and pilgrims. The monkey finally let the purse drop, intact, on a stone and the team returned, happily shouting, "Purse! Purse!" No one tried to run away with the purse or money. They wouldn't let me go ahead without getting their rewards and I was reminded of the gopis who had to 'bribe' Krishna's friends with butter to let them get close to Krishna.

A while later, I stopped for a glass of sugarcane juice. The 10-year-old boy poured me another half glass when I replaced my now empty glass on the counter. "Here, take the money for the extra half," I said and tried to thrust the money in his hands - but he refused to accept it. "Things are expensive," I coaxed but he refused.

Rushing ahead, I thought of Krishna who fed his friends in the jungle with his baby fingers and then ate from their hands. Krishna lives on in the child-like simplicity and generosity of the children here, in Brajbhoomi, the land of Krishna. Those who sincerely wish to get rid of their false notions of power and ego must undertake the sacred ritual of parikrama of saat kosa at Govardhan.

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Bridge between cultures

Amonoprint is a one-of-a-kind-print. I work with Chine colle paper and use a technique which is essentially a collage," says Suzanne Benton, the American artist whose art was recently on display at the American Center in New Delhi. "The printing plate is inked and the colle papers are placed one on top of the other and glued; along with the image, the whole is then run through a press and when it comes out, the result is a monoprint." As we walk through her exhibits, I notice that many of the prints are circular and they depict Krishna. "They are in a circle because it is so cosmic; it's the cosmic egg," says Benton.
"And the Krishnas?" Benton explains: "When I came to India, the stories people told me were of Krishna. In America, the Krishna story is a myth, but in India, the Krishna story has layers and layers. This is where it can be told and understood."

In the moonlight
We stood in front of a particularly colourful monoprint called 'In the moonlight'. It is a miniature painting of Krishna and Radha in a garden. Krishna is sitting and looking into Radha's eyes and she is looking lovingly into Krishna's eyes.

"He's a god but she has the power," says Benton. "What do you mean - to us, Krishna is always the god with supreme power," I exclaim. "Yes, but in this, Krishna is the god with the manly properties - I wanted to work with your gods and images and present them to you in fresh light - I wanted to show Krishna as a man." As we speak, I notice more and more detail in the monoprint. The lovers are in a corner. It is night and the sky is the colour of denim. The garden is dense with trees - dark in the background and slightly brighter in the foreground. Small colourful flowers like strings of fairy lights are blossoming on the branches. Above the trees hangs a bright moon flooding the garden with its light, but in no way, detracting from the secrecy that pervades the print.

"You know the magic of an evening? Can you sense the air?" asks Suzanne. I can, but can't put it into words. Everything here is blossoming - we have to allow love to happen - it's mysterious. In the same print, Radha is dancing behind a bunch of trees. She is dancing ecstatically by herself, with her hands posed as though she were holding a musical instrument. Why is she doing this I wonder, but before I ask the question, Benton has the answer. "We have all had those times in our privacy and solitude when we have wanted to sing to ourselves - have you ever heard music and wanted to dance by yourself?" asks Benton, her eyes lighting up.

I now shift my focus to the significance of colour, all in neat geometric designs around the central image. "Colour means a lot to me," says Benton. "It informs me of the work - look at the monoprints here," she says pointing to monoprints showing Krishna and Radha. "You see that Krishna is dark blue and Radha is also blue - but she is a shade lighter than him because she is reflecting his colour."

Using vivid colours
"Are the colours so vivid because of India?" I ask. She repliles: "Yes, the colours are more dynamic because of India."

We walk around the show with Benton showing me her other works: portrait boxes, metal masks and fixed pastels. The first of these - portrait boxes - is very interesting. Benton uses a special paper called 'Fabriani' to make these boxes (yes, regular boxes) and paint two faces - (the public and the private/everyday face) of the same person. So we see the image of a man called Pankaj as he is at work; intense, focused, brows almost knitted, on one side of the box; but look on the other side and the same man is a completely relaxed person at peace with himself.

"If I did the face in a traditional way, it would be glossed over," says Benton, so I thought "what else can I do with the face? I can put it in a box."

And it's the same who-you-really-are face that Benton brings to life in her metal mask stories. As she went round the world she realised how the ancient form of mask making "helped people share the stories of their lives. The mask is a window to the soul - the stories people told me were real stories - these people became honest the moment they put on a mask," she says.

"What is the philosophy behind all your art?" I ask as a final question. "Making a work of art is meditation," says Benton. "Work is meditation."

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Mind set: Spiritual by nature

Rome: One hundred legislators from across the world converged here to participate in the G8+5 Legislators' Forum on Climate Change ahead of next month's G-8 Summit in the Italian city of L'Aquila. Add two-dozen journalists and pundits and our guilt quotient shoots up with our expanding carbon footprint. But as the conference wore on, my thoughts began to wander...
As a little girl, I would often tour the garden with my grandmother. She would gently pluck leaves off the Tulsi plant for her daily puja. She would first circumambulate the plant three times, chanting a shloka, asking it seemed, permission to take a few leaves. Then she would offer water to the plant, seeking its blessings. Sometimes when she felt tired, she would ask me to get the leaves for her, while she bathed little images of gods and goddesses in her sacred alcove. One evening I decided to be better organized. So off I went after dinner, plucked the Tulsi, carefully wrapped the leaves and left them in the refrigerator, pulling them out triumphantly in the morning, very pleased with myself.

The normally sweet-tempered grandmother was livid. "Don't you know that you should never pluck leaves and flowers at night?" When I asked her why, she answered that nocturnal insects and bugs might bite you. More important, she said, the plants are asleep at night, so it was insensitive to disturb them. The real reason was probably more scientific. There is no photosynthetic activity at night, so plants tend to release more carbon dioxide than oxygen. The converse would be true during the day. If you wander around a garden full of trees and plants at night, you might end up inhaling more carbon dioxide. You might also tread upon and kill garden insects or startle them, inviting an attack.

Whatever the reason, Indic tradition was environmentally sensitive; anything that was an integral part of nature was considered sacred. Children were given lots of ecofriendly advice — don't throw garbage in the river; don't tug at leaves and branches, treat them gently; don't desecrate river banks; don't sleep under trees at night; wash regularly. The reasons given were — and still are — probably "because I say so" or "otherwise God will punish you!" But, these practices surely evolved out of a need to live amicably with one's natural surroundings, in a spirit of give and take.

Ecological sanctity is something that is common to traditional systems across the world. It is not unusual for almost every culture to praise the sun, offer thanks to water bodies and plants, conserve water, leave some land fallow to enable rejuvenation, forbid fishing or tree-cutting for certain periods of the year – when it's the breeding season for fish or growing time for plants.

So how and when did the regression begin, leading us to the brink of a planetary-scale catastrophe? How did the climate change scenario get played out, with us as villains, spewing pollution into the air and disgorging the bowels of the earth, destroying forests and species and accelerating global warming? What if glacial melting causes sea levels to rise too fast for us to adapt to face the challenges and mitigate the threat?

As hunter-gatherers, we might have gone hungry if we killed too many animals, upset the food chain, natural balance and flora and fauna. We would have killed the goose that laid the golden egg. When we learnt to cultivate the land, we settled down to an agricultural way of life. Yet we were careful not to overdo it, for we would have sucked all the nutrients out. But with industrialization, things changed.

Most would say that's about the time — when industrialization enabled us to produce more than we needed — our relationship with other constituents of Planet Earth began to flounder. So the regression began when currency and trade expanded and flourished in place of the barter system. When faster, higher, stronger no longer referred only to the aspirations of Olympics contestants but translated as the way to achieve steadily increasing rates of economic growth measured in terms of Gross National Product (GNP). When the worth of a country came to be measured by how much it produced and consumed rather than how much it conserved. When people bought products and services even when they didn't really need them.

Instead of living off the land, we began to exploit it. The baseline was no longer peaceful coexistence with nature. The Judeo-Christian tradition was misinterpreted as unbridled licence to humans to exploit natural resources – in the belief that man was created to have dominion over all other species: "And God said, let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let him have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth..."

The Talmud and rabbis who interpret scripture stress that "dominion" did not mean making everything else subservient to man, but acting responsibly for yourself and others. It certainly does not sanction the unlimited right to use and abuse animals, minerals and fossil fuels. We just need to know when to stop extracting stuff. As in any other relationship, balance and harmony are all about reciprocity and mutual respect.

Subjective though they are, annual opinion polls gauging a people's happiness show that there is really no direct correlation between a country's GNP and its happiness quotient. Perhaps this is because GNP thrives on expansion of consumption and the production of goods and services but happiness is determined by contentment. This is not to say the world needs immediately to revert to the barter system, shut down all factories, dump motorized transport and start walking.

Obviously, we cannot go back to the pre-industrial era, throwing away the benefits of medical cures, easy transport, instant communication, access to knowledge and skills. But we do need to redefine development and its objectives so that they are more sustainable – not by eschewing technology but by embracing it to enable a life of harmony and sustainability, care and compassion, mutual benefit and contentment.

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